Reinventing Ourselves By Caring For Others
Sometimes we think about things all wrong. But it’s a mistake we all make. It’s hard to know what to believe in a world with so many rules that don’t make sense. And as much as I’m a rule follower, being a lawyer and all that, I understand that sometimes the rules are just wrong.
This past year I spent my time meeting, interviewing and sharing the stories of the women working in the emerging cannabis industry who stopped following the rules around cannabis a long time ago, and are now an army transforming the world. They are leaders of this new industry who are setting the standards and crushing the misbegotten ideas around cannabis that are hurting all of us. They are mothers and caregivers and humans who have reinvented themselves by caring for others.
I’m also a person who reinvented herself by caring for others, and for a while that rendered “me” invisible. But now that my children are mostly launched and I’ve dug in deep into the cannabis world, a little of my old swagger has re-emerged and I’m becoming visible. I’m feeling more like my pre-mom self. But in March when the world imploded, my kids returned, and my quiet home was transformed into a WeWork space, I had to reinvent myself again because I was back to caring for others.
It’s been a long few months and there have been days when I’ve felt the darkness descending upon me. To me it was not always clear if I was fatigued or angry or depressed. But life just kept going and I needed to care for my family, so I kept on going too.
Now I’m tired and need a rest because I can’t shake the little things. Even at the end of the day when I sit on my candle-lit porch, windows open to the world, my body remains tight and folded into itself, one leg across the other, one arm laid on my belly and the other bent sharply up, with a joint held tightly in my two fingers like a cigarette. I inhale and exhale trying to release the tension wound inside of me by thinking about trying not to think too much but failing. I few hits of cannabis are usually enough for that feeling of calm and balance to come over me. But lately that feeling won’t come.
As all mature women know, there are periods of life with different wants and different needs and somedays it’s easy to forget the long journey it took to get where we are. I’m a woman who didn’t want children and now my primary identification is Mom. My pre-mom self thought I would be using my voice and power to change the world by helping to end homelessness or transforming urban policy or litigating new legal standards. That never happened.
But I did raise two people who are engaged and interesting and their existence is how I changed my world. So what I thought I wanted never happened, but what I thought I never wanted reinvented me.
Sometimes I wonder if I really failed at the professional thing or maybe I self-sabotaged. Was I right to prioritize parenting over profession? I think so, but the consequences on my ability to monetize my time seems excessive. But if things hadn’t gone so terrible askew each time I went out into the monetized world, I never would have created The Canna Mom Show. I now have a platform to use my voice and an opportunity to show the true character of the women in this industry, not a cannabis caricature. Because of my pivots and reinventions, I now have the opportunity to raise the stories of women who have tried and persisted and are now leading the way and changing the rules.
It’s been interesting time to think about what we fear and who we fear and who is afraid of us. When I finally earned the title of “mom” I feared failing my children. But as the years rolled on I was also afraid that I’d lost myself. But what really happened is that I reinvented myself.
The cacophony of the world continues undaunted but I want The Canna Mom Show to be a safe space for women who have persisted to share their narrative and show the world all that woman can do because we are so good at reinventing ourselves when we care for others.
I’ve been reflecting on this year and what we’ve built here at The Canna Mom Show. Over the past twelve months we’ve recorded 48 podcasts, written 15 blogs, discovered over 30 favorite things. Our social media following has doubled, we’ve travelled physically and virtually and given away one really awesome Bong Quilt.
Now I’m ready for a break. And it’s not that I won’t be working, I’ll be preparing for Season 2 in September by planning the path to keep the show going. The Canna Mom Show has partnered with MyJane to give you access to some of the best CBD products on the market that are produced by and for women. Products like nexRemedy, that I can’t recommend highly enough for all my tennis friends and my son who’s a guitar player. Or SunMi face serum, that not only leaves my face glowy but heals my daughter’s eczema! If you’d like more information please reach out or check out our page at MyJane.
When I was young if you asked me what I wanted to be I could not have told you, but I was adamant that being a mom wasn’t it. I was wrong. I didn’t know it. And my pre-mom self ambition and my reinvented mom humility have found a balance that feels right, for now. And at this moment I hope you will continue to support The Canna Mom Show by purchasing your CBD products through MyJane because together we are reinventing the world by elevating the voices of the caregivers in the cannabis world.